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Friday, September 25, 2015

Birth Photo Share


If you haven't already, you can find my full birth story here!

But if you're just here for the pictures, enjoy :) Thank you to Lauryn Johnson of Olive Photos for these sweet sweet memories! I was so hesitant to have a photographer come, but I'm so glad I did! 































Thursday, September 24, 2015

Birth Story Part 2: Laurel Cate is born!

If you haven't already, you can read the first part of my birth story here...
If you really just came for the pictures...Birth Picture Photo Share

At 41.1, I had an appointment in Anniston. All looked good, but we decided to do an NST and AFI just to be sure. I asked Dr. J if I could go to my acupuncture appointment before going to the hospital for my NST and AFI. He said that was fine, so we went for acupuncture. That was interesting. It didn't hurt but felt really strange. Britt and I laughed a lot while I was trying to stay still with the tiny needles all over my body.

After my acupuncture, we went over to the hospital for the NST and AFI. When the ultrasound technician was doing my AFI I asked her if my fluid was lower than 3.  Of course she wouldn't tell me, but I could tell by the look on her face that it was pretty low. After a while, when the nurse didn't come back into discharge us, I started getting worried. I could tell that we probably weren't going home that night. When I saw Dr. J’s shoes come in under the curtain, I knew we weren't going home. I asked him how low my fluid was, and he told me 1.6. Very low. I had planned on asking for IV fluids and a little more time. But after learning that it was 1.6, I knew that wasn't a good idea. We also talked about how the baby may not even tolerate an induction since her fluid was so low. We decided to proceed with a CST (contraction stress test) to see how she would tolerate Pitocin. Of course, I was crying and very upset. I felt like I was on the exact same train as Lucy's birth—an induction for low fluid at 41.1. I was worried it would end in the exact same way.

I called my doula, Carla, and she and her family packed up and headed to Anniston from Tuscaloosa.

We started the contraction stress test around 7:15. Dr. J said that it could take a few hours to work. We wanted my contractions about two minutes apart and lasting a minute before we could make a true judgment. Around 9:00, my contractions were long enough and close enough together to say that Laurel Cate looked good on the monitor, and we would proceed with an induction. We turned off the pitocin and waited for Dr. J to come put in a foley bulb to dilate my cervix.

He came around 10:45 to insert the foley. He told me it would take anywhere from 4-8 hours to work. Having the foley in was not painful, but pretty uncomfortable, and I was afraid to move around much. Even though the pitocin was off, I was still contracting every 2-3 minutes and was breathing through each contraction.




Carla arrived around 11:45, and I was so happy to see her.  I felt like I needed to get up and go to the bathroom, but was really afraid the foley would hurt when I stood up. After some convincing, I got out of bed. While I was in the bathroom the foley fell out—less than 2 hours after he inserted it. The nurse came in while I was sobbing in the bathroom because I just knew he had done it wrong (nice vote of confidence in him, huh?!). She and Carla talked me into getting back in bed for the nurse to check me.

Y’all, I was 4cm. I know this doesn't seem like a big deal, but for me it was a huge hurdle since the farthest I had ever gotten with Lucy was 3.5 cm.























With a revived spirit, I labored on the ball and around the room for a few hours. Britt and Carla both tried to help me through contractions by pressing on my hips or back. But I surprised myself and really didn’t want much touching in labor. After awhile, I decided to get back into bed and rest. I told Carla to go to help her family settle in at the hotel.

Around 3 am, I had been resting awhile when the nurse said that my contractions had spaced out too far, and we should think about turning the pit back on. Pitocin sucks. It just does. After a little while on the pitocin, I decided I wanted an epidural. I was 5cm and was really frustrated since I felt trapped by the monitors and couldn't find a good position to cope. I have to give so much credit to my sweet nurse and husband who tried so hard to convince me I didn't need the epidural. But I think I may have dropped the f-bomb a few times, and then they knew I was serious.

I got an epidural around 5:30 am and rested. It was good. Naps are good.

Early that morning baby was having some variables in her heart rate that were making the nurses a little antsy. Since I had just taken my OB semester if nursing school, I got sucked into the monitors and trying to figure out whether they were late decels or just variables. Carla covered the monitoring screen with a towel and rolled it away. My nurse reminded me that it was her job to read the monitors and not mine. I got some O2 via face mask and we turned the Pitocin off.
















Dr. J came in around 7am and suggested we do an amnio infusion to give the baby a little more cushion of fluid since hers was so depleted. But to do that, we'd have to break my water, so we decided to wait to let baby come down a little more. He came back about two hours later (9am) and we discovered my water had broken on its own, I was 6cm, and baby had moved farther down. I was so excited. I'm pretty sure I cried tears of joy. I was 6. And my water broke on its own. This was happening!!! So very different from how I had planned it. But so good!
















Laurel Cate was much happier after the amnio infusion and was able to tolerate the Pitocin again. The next time we checked was around 11am and I was 7cm. We decided to go ahead and text my birth photographer, Lauryn to give her a heads up. We also called my mom and told her to get Lucy from school and drive up. I had been at inductions where moms were 7cm for 12 hours—so I really still didn’t expect baby to come until late that evening or early next morning.

A few hours later, the nurse checked me again, and I was 9. Nine people. I mean, I really think I cried every time they told me I was closer.















Then came a wave of nausea and I vomited all of the small bites I had been sneaking the past 15 hours. Gross. It was everywhere. Carla cut my sports bra off. And Britt helped clean me up. Someone let my nurse know I was sick, and I think we all had a good feeling that it meant I was 10 cm.  Sure enough.


While I was waiting to do some "practice pushing" with the nurse, a wave of worry came over me. I had been staring at the shoulder dystocia protocol that was taped to the monitor cart right next to my bed. I told Carla I was afraid it would happen. I also told her that I was thinking of two births where the mamas made it to 10cm and pushed for hours only to still need a c section. She helped reassure me and to think positively.

Around 3:45, after just one practice push with my nurse, she told me to stop and that baby was really close, and she was calling Dr. J to come. While we waited, I just pressed down a little with each contraction because it was the only way I could tolerate the hot spot that my epidural wasn't covering.

Dr. J arrived close to 4pm, and I started pushing. I don't remember much. I remember fussing at Britt for making a scary face and the clicking of the camera over my right shoulder. I remember that the nurse wanted me to start pushing at the very start of each contraction, but I felt like I needed to push more at the end. I decided it was more effective for me to just push when I felt it instead of when the monitors started picking it up. I'm grateful for the hot spot, because it helped me direct and be more effective with my pushing.















Just 15 minutes later, Laurel Cate was born. Britt cut her cord—something he didn’t get to do with Lucy. They put her squishy little self on my chest and covered us with blankets. There really are just no words for how wonderful that felt. It felt like 5 years of feelings and emotions all crashing over me at once. Lots of tears.


                           



















I needed sutures--and Dr. J wisely told me he didn't know how many I had, but that it was a 2nd degree tear. But what a difference in recovery compared to my c-section. Within an hour I was sitting up, not groggy, and snuggling my baby. I took a shower a few hours later. I felt SO good.



















Lucy and Mom arrived about 6:30. I hadn't called them after she was born, because I didn't want them rushing. Or feeling sad they missed it. I wanted to see their reactions in person, not tell them over the phone. I’m so glad Lauryn, my birth photographer stayed to capture their faces. What precious memories I have saved forever.

















A few days later, people were congratulating me for "rocking my VBAC". But, really, what I know, is that birth is not a merit system. There's no perfect formula or things you can check off a list (oh did I try!) that guarantees the birth you want. There’s no magic number of pelvic tilts you can do. I had a VBAC because of God's mercy on my heart and because of His never-ending grace and faithfulness. There are just too many uncontrollables for us to think that we have the final say.















I'm not saying that there are things you should just give up on. I still think a healthy diet is important. I think seeing my chiropractor weekly was very helpful. And I think finding a supportive OB/other care provider and birth team is invaluable. I'm SO grateful that God brought Nancy, Carla and Dr. Johannson into my life 3 years ago. God is good.

My birth is also a wonderful example of how medical interventions used judiciously in the right hands can really help us. I feel like my birth was a real-life review of my OB class in nursing school. We used lots of them. And I’m totally ok with that. I won’t go into my next birth asking to be induced; but if the need arises, that’s ok too. 





















I'm so thankful for both of my births and the experience and knowledge I'll be able to carry into my work as a doula and OB nurse (almost there!).

If you're still reading, you deserve an ice cream. Or a glass of wine. But really, I hope that it will be encouraging to anyone birthing or planning a VBAC. Trust Him with your birth--however it unfolds.











Birth Story Part 1: Preparing for a VBAC

Yesterday I made my final round trip to Anniston for my 6 week follow-up appointment. I think the final appointment spurred me to finally write about Laurel Cate's birth.

Really, her birth story goes back much further than when I found out I was pregnant with her--but to when I learned I was pregnant with Lucy in 2009. In my pregnancy with Lucy, I did everything you're "supposed to do" to have a natural, low intervention birth. I read every book I could. I had a doula. I had a birth plan declining meds, continuous fetal monitoring, and other interventions. At 41.1, we induced for low fluid (3.1) and 2 days later I asked my doctor for a c-section. I never dilated past 3.5 cm.

Overall though, my c-section was not horrible. They brought me Lucy right away, and put her skin to skin. We were never separated for the duration of our stay. My recovery was ok. I didn't have any complications. So it wasn't that I had a traumatic c-section, it was just that I really really wanted to have a vaginal birth. And a real labor. When my doctor came to see me after my c-section, he told me that he did a double layer suture in my uterus and that I would make an excellent candidate for a VBAC. Which is where Laurel Cate's story begins.

After 3 years of struggling with infertility and a miscarriage (2013), I finally got a positive pregnancy test in November 2014. After a few weeks of encouraging blood work and getting to see a heartbeat, I got excited about having a new baby. And terrified of having another c-section.

Initially I saw an OB who felt ok with me trying to VBAC. But something in my gut told me it wasn't the right decision. After working as a doula in Anniston at  Alabama's First Baby Friendly hospital with Dr. Johannson and my doula mentor, Nancy, I knew I could really trust a team there to give 110% to help me with a VBAC. I also knew that even if I had to have another c-section, it would be medically necessary, and I could have skin to skin in the OR (something my local hospitals aren't doing quite yet). RMC also has wireless monitors that would allow me to labor in the birthing tub--which sounded awesome.

But I was SO afraid to make the commitment to birth in Anniston. That meant 7 hours in the car for every OB trip. I didn't know how that would even work with me in nursing school. I definitely didn't have free time. And how would that look in labor? Or driving home after birth? I was terrified of the logistics. But Nancy reminded me that God does not give us a Spirit of fear, but of power. And He commands us to be strong and courageous, and gives us peace. I talked to Britt, and while I don’t think he was jumping for joy, he completely understood and supported me 100% (although--I think he was secretly preparing to catch a baby in the car on the side of the road!).

Honestly, the drive wasn't horrible at all. I looked forward to my appointments because I was able to visit with friends I missed from Anniston/Oxford. Our friends Kayla and Steven were such a blessing to us by opening their guest bedroom to us for every appointment. Towards the end of my pregnancy, they even gave me a key in case they were on vacation when I needed to come. Nancy and I visited each time, and she often gave me a prenatal massage while I was there. I called Carla after all of my appointments, and she kept me company on my drive home.

To start preparing for my VBAC, I made a daily checklist of things that I had read about or knew about from my doula work that might help me have a successful VBAC.

Spinning Babies. Check.
Webster certified Chiropractor. Check.
Brewer Diet/low processed foods. Check.
Daily walking. Check.
Hypnobabies Daily Affirmations. Check.
Pelvic tilts. Check.

Now, I didn't do everything perfectly. My resolve in the areas of diet and activity definitely weakened at times throughout my pregnancy. Especially towards the end when it was so blazing hot.

In the last weeks of my pregnancy, I was praying for very specific things to happen with my labor and birth. One is that I would go into labor on my own before 41 weeks at a time when both my doulas, Nancy and Carla, would be able to be present. I was also praying that my labor would not stall and would progress quickly, since that was a big fear after my long labor with Lucy's birth. And as much as I was trying to accept the reality of a possible c-section, I was also praying hard that I would be able to give birth vaginally.

Towards the end, I would wake up several times in the middle of the night and not be able to go back to sleep. I thought it would be helpful to read positive birthing stories--especially VBAC stories. What I found were women like me who were checking things off a list every day to try to earn their VBAC (or whatever they desired for their birth).

But instead of feeling reaffirmed, I felt insecure. What if I wasn't doing enough? What if my few weeks of carb/sugar eating in the 2nd trimester created a giant baby? What if my poor posture in class all day was setting me up for an OP baby & back labor? What if I needed to be doing more pelvic tilts daily (I read a story of a mama who did 150 a day!)?

I'd fall back asleep much more anxious than when I woke up. I realized that I needed to start praying for God's plan for my birth--whatever that might be. That was hard. Really hard.

In my work as a doula, I worked with moms who "did everything right" and still needed a surgical birth. And I also worked with moms who smoked, missed prenatal appointments, and had never heard of pelvic tilts—but they ended up with beautiful water labors and low intervention births.

This was so frustrating to me. It didn't seem fair. But what it helped me realize is that you can't "earn" the birth you desire. There are so many variables in pregnancy, labor, and birth, that we really don't get to determine the outcome. What I also came to believe is that the outcome had already been determined anyways. God knew how Lucy's birth would unfold. And He already knew how Laurel Cate's would look as well. And wherever her birth went, God would go with me—even into the OR.

So I let it go (cue cheesy Frozen soundtrack). But really, I did. I still wanted a VBAC, for sure. But I let go of all of the specific circumstances under which I wanted it to happen. I let my doula Nancy go to her family reunion (she had offered to cancel her flight). I let go of my fear of induction and which interventions we would use. And I quit worrying about how many stupid pelvic tilts I was doing.

Continued in Birth Story Part 2...
If you really just came for the pictures...Birth Photo Share